Nobody puts Gemma in the corner

I'm soooo doing the Dirty Dancing audition! seize the day and all that jazz! so I'll be getting up bright and early one morning in a few weeks, heading over to Birmingham in my non-baggy clothing, with my heels for dancing in, CV and photo (what does one put on a CV for dancing?) ready to dance and if all else fails do Joey-style jazz hands!!!

Friends: Joey teaches the audition dance

No. 26: my first and last visit to a strip club

So this one was on my list because friends have been recently and I was feeling inquisitive - I don't like to have not done things. And now I've done it. Well, it was a few weeks ago now but I've been busy.

And...I'm glad we went because it's crossed off the list, but seriously, I'm never going again! There's not much to say - I don't want to get into a whole palaver about the objectification of women etc, it's all been said before much more eloquently than I will ever say it - but despite feeling uncomfortable and weird (apparently I shrunk about a foot haha!!) I am happy to have done it, it's out of my system, I've experienced it, and I'm living - one step closer to turning 30!

Open auditions???

I just had an email through from Birmingham Hippodrome that they are holding open auditions for Dirty Dancing in a couple of weeks and, in the spirit of doing my 30 list, it is soooo tempting to do this!!! Let's be clear, I am fully aware that I am such a god-awful singer that they will laugh in my face, but it would be an experience....

Alive and tango-ing!

I'm just on the train home from Birmingham after doing our tango performance last night and I'm tired but elated. I feel amazing, on a total high - tango makes me feel good anyway, but combine it with the feeling of being alive that comes from crossing something off my 30 list and it's the most exhilarating feeling. I went through cycles of stress and calm - while I was at the milonga waiting for Peter to arrive I was a bit stressed, then I relaxed a bit, especially once we'd danced a tanda of Di Sarli to warm up. Then seconds before we performed I had the same 'bollocks, why in the name of crap are we doing this' feeling (eloquent!), calmed down a little, then the music started up, we took the embrace, I was momentarily thrown when we started on a back step instead of a side step because we always start on a nice big side step, and then finally relaxed into it. It was the most connected tango I've ever danced, I was concentrated so hard on Peter and on the music that it's the most inside the dance that I've ever felt. I had a couple of moments of thinking my legs would turn to jelly, and I discovered that my body's reaction to stress is to get a watery runny nose (classy!) but overall I enjoyed it immensely. I'm not sure it's the best we ever danced, but it looks nice, and by the time we did the second dance on D'Arienzo I was much more comfortable.

Wow I've just realised my ability to waffle, especially when it comes to tango, but I wanted to write this while I'm on my way home before I lose the feeling because I want to be able to read it later and feel it again. I think this feeling will stay with me for a while though, it's a kind of crazy energy right in the centre of me that feels alive and feels like the world is an amazing place with so much to experience and so mug to give if you just take it. Which sounds really wanky and self-help booky but it's a feeling I want to keep and keep on creating. Right, I'm going to chill and read On The Road and marvel at how great a writer Kerouac was (it says in the introduction that he spent 7 years on the road and 3 weeks to write the book - phenomenal). And I'll sort out photos/video when I'm home.

Food for thought

I just remembered reading this in the Indy earlier in the week and it's made me think about why I'm doing my 30 list and what I'm getting from it. I hadn't really questioned my motives, it was just about making the year fun and not because I was stressing about turning 30. But as I've done it, particularly the strip club (which no, I have not written about yet, not sure that one needs sharing haha!) it made me think that it is good to get some of these things out of my system so that I don't have regrets when I'm older about things I wish I'd done...I certainly don't want to turn into a certain you-know-who and behave like a teenager when I hit 50 because I resent the things I didn't get the chance to do. So it was just about living life to the full. But now I wonder whether that puts me into the narcissistic category of this article (haha the fact that I'm panicking and writing about whether I'm being narcissistic is probably what makes me narcissistic!!!) and if I'm not then I want to really be engaging with the world like this author says. I don't know. I'll re-read it. But it's definitely food for thought.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/female-midlife-crisis-has-an-epidemic-of-narcissism-made-women-delusional-2267394.html

Nerves!!

Eeeek! the nerves finally kicked in at 6.30 this morning! I woke up with my heart racing and thanked the lord that I'd been on that performance course a couple of weeks ago and learnt how to deal with nerves...much deep breathing etc later I got back to sleep and am now well rested.
I've got plenty to do today which is going to be good. I baked a lemon curd layer cake last night to take along with me as the event is for charity (I've never made lemon curd before and I swear down that was the most stressful thing so far - I was convinced that I would end up with lemony scrambled eggs and I have to say that the usually helpful Delia was somewhat confusing on this one having said 'stir frequently' to then saying that you don't need to stay with it, just come back and stir 'from time to time'. Delia, there is quite a difference between 'frequently' and 'from time to time'. But it worked (I erred on the side of caution and went with 'frequently') and it was a lovely sweet but sharp lemon curd to go in between the four layers of lemon cake with lemon icing on top. Yum. At least I hope so! At the same time I managed to mess up making chocolate cornflake cakes...it turns out that if you accidentally buy Galaxy caramel instead of just chocolate then it reeeeally doesn't work. Still, I've eaten one for breakfast today - they are made of cornflakes after all so they are totally a breakfast food - and I'll be baking again in a bit, which will be therapeutic. Apart from the baking, I've finished securing the beads on my top as a few were loose, so it's just nails to paint and I'll be ready to go, and I'll fix my hair and makeup when I get there. Eee, that's out of the system now and I'm back to being excited - in around 12 hours I'll be one step closer to 30!!!!

Tango preparation...

Tomorrow evening I will be one step closer to 30 - it's performance time! I'm actually quite excited :) and I haven't had an attack of nerves yet, which in that weird over-thinking it way has made me panic slightly haha, but no, I'm feeling calm. We've been practising for a few weeks now, so I feel fairly confident - we've managed to get through quite a few dances without me say 'ooh, sorry' halfway through!!
So, I don't know what music we're dancing on, that's the man's job to choose seeing as he is the one who has to be inspired to improvise on it. Actually now writing about it is making me slightly nervous, this is good, get it out of the system, but seriously, what were we thinking agreeing to do a performance which is improvised?!?!... But I know we're dancing on Di Sarli, and then on D'Arienzo so we've been practising on those orchestras. And I've sorted my outfit - black skirt, pale pink corset top with black beading, my favourite shoes which as dusky pink at the front and black at the back, chandelier earrings in pale pink. Just need to remember to take plenty of sticky tape to keep the top fixed in place :) but it makes me feel like a proper tango dancer, love it!! so tonight I need to bake cakes to take because it's a charity event so I'm doing my bit - Easter nests and lemon drizzle cake - and then tomorrow I can do my nails and toenails and decide what I'm doing with my hair (hair up - I noticed on the video of our practise last night that it looks so much more elegant when my hair is up and you can see my neck). Wow, how feckin narcissistic do I sound?!
Anyway, we've had our final practise last night, time to get ready now, and then Saturday night is performance - fingers crossed, break a leg, merde and all that jazz!